1- Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?”
When Janice didn’t stir, little Mark, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her on her back. “God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her chair. Once again, Mark came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

2- Deux passionnés de football sont en train de discuter de la vie après la mort:
Je me demande s'il y a des terrains de football au paradis?
J'ai une idée. Si je décède en premier, je viendrai dans tes rêves pour te dire s'il y a des terrains de foot. Si tu décèdes en premier, tu viendras dans mes rêves pour me le dire.

Quelques années plus tard, un des deux hommes perd la vie dans un accident. Il se retrouve au paradis. Comme prévu, il entre dans les rêves de son ami et lui dit:

J'ai une bonne et une mauvaise nouvelle pour toi. La bonne, c'est qu'il y a un merveilleux terrain de foot au paradis! La mauvaise, c'est que tu fais parti de l'alignement du match de demain!

3- The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE". He stormed to
his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my
word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous
dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards,
you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me, dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The wife replied, "The funeral director would be
my first guess."...

4- Un prêtre reçoit la visite d'un ancien guerrier au confessionnal. L'homme dit:
« - Pardonnez-moi mon Père, car j'ai péché. Durant la deuxième guerre mondiale, j'ai caché un homme riche dans mon grenier.
- Ce n'est pas si grave, c'est même bien, si cet homme était en danger!
- Mais, ce n'est pas tout... J'ai chargé à cet homme un bon montant d'argent chaque mois pour la location de mon grenier.
- Humm. Vous avez profité de lui, mais j'imagine que ça peut encore passer.
- Oh merci mon Père, une dernière petite question...
- Allez-y...?
- Est-ce que vous pensez que je devrais lui dire que la guerre est terminée?

5- An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome
plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your
Rolex watch instead."

"You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of
bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed
with another man. What do you do than? Point to you watch and say TIMES
UP?"